if you need this, contact me
why engage with conflict?
- conflict emerges when 2 people disagree but they think they’re right
- per definition then, conflict matters, because
- moving through a misunderstanding successfully results in agreement
- what’s agreement? well, that’s a sale, that’s a happy partner, that’s a new idea in the business, a new paradigm for the company, that’s peace in the home.
- every sale you make starts as a disagreement (“why would I pay x for y?”) and properly negotiating it results in understanding agreement (“now I know why I would pay x for y and I will / won’t do it”) even when it’s just people reading your product page
here are the stakes:
- imagine being able to say to your bf/gf/biz partner “hey, it seems like we’re about to have a conflict. shall we just take 45 minutes right now and settle it so that we can move on?” and then them saying “yea sounds good” and then you actually doing it?
- ah, but why not just save the 45 and keep going?
- well, each conflict wants something from you, and if you “have” the conflict, you gain 1 satisfaction, but if you don’t have it you gain 10 resentment. at 100 satisfaction you’re practically living on heaven on earth, but at at 100 resentment you are functionally dead, meaning your relationship cannot continue.
- having good conflicts = closing interpersonal loops = avoiding debt = being relationally profitable
- also, at 50 satisfaction it starts compounding, and at 50 resentment it compounds negatively. do you want to be in credit card debt or have some dope relational ETFs & stocks running?
what’s the right way to approach conflict?
- don’t shy away from conflict, conflict is good-ish
- being able to not shy away is based on being able to predict how a conflict is going to go
- let’s make “a conflict” a predictable game that you and everyone around you knows how to play
- now you’re much calmer on average and when you or someone else is triggered, you can actually communicate from that place
what you will learn:
- how to have a difficult conversation in under 1 hour and cover everything
- the possible scenarios you’ll find yourself in and how to respond to them
- how to teach other people to have good conflicts with you = your conflict user manual
- how to say what you want
- how to say what you need
- how to ask other people what they want and need
- how to create a good agreement
key concepts (in the relationship realm):
- standard conflict script overview
- being in trouble
- the “what happened” conversation
- who helps, who gets help?
- what does help look like?
- evening the score
- apologizing well
- making sure this doesn’t happen again
- … and more!
the key concepts in the non-emotional / business realm look a bit different, but they revolve around the same principles around identifying needs and wants. it’s better to learn the emotional realm because a) personal relationships tend to matter more in the end and b) it’s easy to transfer the skills.
if you need this to upskill yourself, your team, or if you need my help as a mediator, contact me : )